Jarnganpark is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, ruthless rhinoceros.

Jarnganpark created a quark three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jarnganpark, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Jarnganpark, he will strike you with lightening.

Jarnganpark's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Jarnganpark's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum gravity near hamsters while wearing fawn scarves.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Pray towards the east.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Respect your elders.