Quimbaftim is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, thoughtless wasp.

Quimbaftim created the Cigar Galaxy eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quimbaftim, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Quimbaftim, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Quimbaftim's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Quimbaftim's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about nucleic acids.

2. Quimbaftim loves aardvarks, so they must be respected.

3. Do not wear titanium on your body.

4. Always wear violet.

5. Never look in ponds.