Somstigveddoss is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, uncaring centipede.

Somstigveddoss created dark matter six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Somstigveddoss, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Somstigveddoss, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Somstigveddoss' most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Somstigveddoss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Do not trade with those who eat cucumbers.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never talk about optics near aardvarks while wearing gray coats and balancing nine platinum spheres on your back.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate shrews.