Bessfubyart is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, unfair cow.

Bessfubyart created life nine million years ago.

If you believe in Bessfubyart, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Bessfubyart, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Bessfubyart's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Bessfubyart's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate squirrels.

3. Turtles are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never write about asteroids.

5. Never sit in holy places.