Zancarfit is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, grumpy gnu.

Zancarfit created water two billion years ago.

If you believe in Zancarfit, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Zancarfit, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Zancarfit's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Zancarfit's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Erect a large iron sculpture of Zancarfit on top of all buildings.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Otters are not to be trusted.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.