Xintargtik is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, annoying whale.

Xintargtik created the Sun eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Xintargtik, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Xintargtik, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Xintargtik's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Xintargtik's Holy Commandments

1. Put Xintargtik first in all things.

2. Do not wear yellow clothing.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Xintargtik loves whales, so they must be honoured.

5. Never feed gooseberries to great tits while wearing orange shorts.