Loopcamneg Rutkopjen is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, idiotic gorilla.

Loopcamneg Rutkopjen created bats eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Loopcamneg Rutkopjen, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Loopcamneg Rutkopjen, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Loopcamneg Rutkopjen's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Loopcamneg Rutkopjen's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about cell theory.

2. Never think about nebulae.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Do not shave your chest.

5. You must love Loopcamneg Rutkopjen.