Mapgarzen is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, all-knowing rhinoceros.

Mapgarzen created a photon seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Mapgarzen, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Mapgarzen, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Mapgarzen's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Mapgarzen's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Mapgarzen's priests.

2. Do not shave your head.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate gulls.

5. Respect your elders.