Japvoncuss is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, clever mongoose.

Japvoncuss created life six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Japvoncuss, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Japvoncuss, she will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Japvoncuss' most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Japvoncuss' Holy Commandments

1. Never wear brown shorts.

2. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near whales while wearing blue skirts and balancing six zinc spheres on your feet.

4. Never write about nebulae.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Japvoncuss.