Zimpidvig is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, caring monkey.

Zimpidvig created light three million years ago.

If you believe in Zimpidvig, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Zimpidvig, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Zimpidvig's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Zimpidvig's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Run away if three great tits approach from the west.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Feed all hungry gulls.

5. Hide from gray otters for they are unholy.