Cittaptenstigtonkon is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, fussy salamander.

Cittaptenstigtonkon created Africa six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cittaptenstigtonkon, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Cittaptenstigtonkon, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Cittaptenstigtonkon's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Cittaptenstigtonkon's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Always treat squirrels with great respect.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Never look in ponds.