Tarpaspitbell is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, happy crow.

Tarpaspitbell created a quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpaspitbell, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Tarpaspitbell, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Tarpaspitbell's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Tarpaspitbell's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if seven sharks approach from the south.

2. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

3. You must love Tarpaspitbell.

4. Do not eat nuts.

5. Erect five lead sculptures of Tarpaspitbell on top of important buildings.