Omtvoltof is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, awesome goblin.

Omtvoltof created the planet Mars three billion years ago.

If you believe in Omtvoltof, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Omtvoltof, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Omtvoltof's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Omtvoltof's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

2. Never bounce in the presence of frogs.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Omtvoltof.

5. Do not wear lead on your body.