Jatmadjip Fumquamjap Jonbontad is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, confident crocodile.

Jatmadjip Fumquamjap Jonbontad created humanity three million years ago.

If you believe in Jatmadjip Fumquamjap Jonbontad, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Jatmadjip Fumquamjap Jonbontad, he will not care at all.

Jatmadjip Fumquamjap Jonbontad's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Jatmadjip Fumquamjap Jonbontad's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about nebulae.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.

4. Retreat if eight snakes approach from the east.

5. Never go into red rooms.