Fotwonvid is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, tiresome pigeon.

Fotwonvid created bats four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fotwonvid, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Fotwonvid, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Fotwonvid's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Fotwonvid's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Pray towards the east.

4. Never write about comets.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.