Yarmotrak is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, compassionate crane.

Yarmotrak created light eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarmotrak, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Yarmotrak, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Yarmotrak's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Yarmotrak's Holy Commandments

1. Dogs are not to be trusted.

2. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate eagles.

5. Hide from fawn turtles for they are unholy.