Lakwonbim Funkenlaksiggongunzenloop is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, all-powerful duck.

Lakwonbim Funkenlaksiggongunzenloop created the planet Saturn two billion years ago.

If you believe in Lakwonbim Funkenlaksiggongunzenloop, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Lakwonbim Funkenlaksiggongunzenloop, it will destroy your home planet.

Lakwonbim Funkenlaksiggongunzenloop's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Lakwonbim Funkenlaksiggongunzenloop's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. You must never eat lentils.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.