Bellbatflow is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, idiotic whale.

Bellbatflow created vertebrates eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bellbatflow, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Bellbatflow, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Bellbatflow's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Bellbatflow's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bellbatflow.

2. You must love Bellbatflow.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Pray towards the west.

5. Never go into fawn rooms.