Loopnartstip is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, irritating porpoise.

Loopnartstip created light seven million years ago.

If you believe in Loopnartstip, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Loopnartstip, he will not invite you to parties.

Loopnartstip's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Loopnartstip's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Loopnartstip.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Loopnartstip.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Never feed tomatoes to ants while wearing red ear rings.

5. Do not dye your hair turquoise.