Xuckhivtarp is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, weak squirrel.

Xuckhivtarp created a down quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Xuckhivtarp, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Xuckhivtarp, it will turn you into a mole.

Xuckhivtarp's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Xuckhivtarp's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from purple monkeys for they are unholy.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Always help seals.

5. Never write about the weak nuclear force.