Bifbadtun is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, omnipotent spider.

Bifbadtun created carbon twelve years ago.

If you believe in Bifbadtun, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Bifbadtun, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Bifbadtun's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Bifbadtun's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick snakes.

2. Never laugh near turtles.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. You must never eat pineapples.