Garruttmigmetstigwotnurlboss is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, all-knowing penguin.

Garruttmigmetstigwotnurlboss created the Sun five billion years ago.

If you believe in Garruttmigmetstigwotnurlboss, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Garruttmigmetstigwotnurlboss, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Garruttmigmetstigwotnurlboss' most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Garruttmigmetstigwotnurlboss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat cherries.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Garruttmigmetstigwotnurlboss.

3. You must pray to Garruttmigmetstigwotnurlboss seven times a day.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Feed all hungry horses.