Bedvonkgadcem is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, weak goat.

Bedvonkgadcem created the Large Magellanic Cloud nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Bedvonkgadcem, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Bedvonkgadcem, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Bedvonkgadcem's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Bedvonkgadcem's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Bedvonkgadcem.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate goats.

4. Always help shrews in need.

5. Never sing in the presence of horses.