Cibpopgen Hognartzan Yokwabxen is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, duplicitous jaguar.

Cibpopgen Hognartzan Yokwabxen created viruses nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cibpopgen Hognartzan Yokwabxen, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Cibpopgen Hognartzan Yokwabxen, he will boil you in a big pot.

Cibpopgen Hognartzan Yokwabxen's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Cibpopgen Hognartzan Yokwabxen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.

2. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. You must never eat figs.