Hogfigham is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, strong porpoise.

Hogfigham created a photon nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hogfigham, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Hogfigham, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Hogfigham's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Hogfigham's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. You must pray to Hogfigham seven times a day.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.