Cemditkap is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, ill-tempered aardvark.

Cemditkap created Europe three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cemditkap, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Cemditkap, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Cemditkap's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Cemditkap's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Cemditkap must be the most important thing in your life.

4. You must love Cemditkap.

5. Never hurt dolphins.