Fobjanstaf is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, charitable crab.

Fobjanstaf created dark energy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fobjanstaf, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Fobjanstaf, she will turn you into a puffin.

Fobjanstaf's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Fobjanstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your legs black.

2. Do not trade with those who eat wheat.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Feed all hungry capybaras.

5. Fobjanstaf loves aardvarks, so they must be respected.