Fidkamwot Flamlakjanmatmettag is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, tiresome porpoise.

Fidkamwot Flamlakjanmatmettag created the planet Jupiter eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fidkamwot Flamlakjanmatmettag, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Fidkamwot Flamlakjanmatmettag, she will make you grow a tail.

Fidkamwot Flamlakjanmatmettag's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Fidkamwot Flamlakjanmatmettag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Never think ill of sick monkeys.

4. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

5. Hide from black porpoises for they are unholy.