Tunpasveendim is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, irritating octopus.

Tunpasveendim created Europe nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Tunpasveendim, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Tunpasveendim, she will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Tunpasveendim's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Tunpasveendim's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Tunpasveendim nine times a day.

2. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.

4. Always obey Tunpasveendim's priests.

5. Never wear dresses.