Tarlakban Stiktinjonwotgigxucksasxuc is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, competent guinea pig.

Tarlakban Stiktinjonwotgigxucksasxuc created the Cigar Galaxy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Tarlakban Stiktinjonwotgigxucksasxuc, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tarlakban Stiktinjonwotgigxucksasxuc, she will turn you into a duck.

Tarlakban Stiktinjonwotgigxucksasxuc's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Tarlakban Stiktinjonwotgigxucksasxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear fawn.

2. Snails are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Worship no other gods but Tarlakban Stiktinjonwotgigxucksasxuc.