Bifmiljan is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, fussy hydra.

Bifmiljan created light five billion years ago.

If you believe in Bifmiljan, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Bifmiljan, he will throw large rocks at you.

Bifmiljan's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Bifmiljan's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your feet turquoise.

2. Worship no other gods but Bifmiljan.

3. Always wear violet.

4. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.