Wiknutjad is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, unfair pigeon.

Wiknutjad created the Milkyway seven million years ago.

If you believe in Wiknutjad, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Wiknutjad, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Wiknutjad's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Wiknutjad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair orange.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.

3. Wiknutjad loves tapirs, so they must be respected.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Never jump in holy places.