Hatwapfig is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, capable gnu.

Hatwapfig created gold eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hatwapfig, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Hatwapfig, he will make you grow a tail.

Hatwapfig's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Hatwapfig's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Hatwapfig.

2. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Hatwapfig on top of all buildings.

3. Always look after injured shrews.

4. Always obey Hatwapfig's priests.

5. Do not wear purple clothing.