Ontpagquaf is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, charitable deer.

Ontpagquaf created vertebrates six million years ago.

If you believe in Ontpagquaf, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Ontpagquaf, it will turn you into a worm.

Ontpagquaf's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Ontpagquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Ontpagquaf.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Hide from black pigs for they are unholy.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.