Quarttenbet is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, dishonourable donkey.

Quarttenbet created water four billion years ago.

If you believe in Quarttenbet, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Quarttenbet, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Quarttenbet's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Quarttenbet's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never talk about gravity.

3. Never mention gulls.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Do not shave your legs.