Gatbonpan is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, flying bird.

Gatbonpan created a photon two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gatbonpan, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Gatbonpan, he will turn you into a worm.

Gatbonpan's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Gatbonpan's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Run away if eight capybaras approach from the north.