Bessgarmatveenbog is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, omniscient shrew.

Bessgarmatveenbog created dark energy twelve years ago.

If you believe in Bessgarmatveenbog, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Bessgarmatveenbog, it will be very unhappy.

Bessgarmatveenbog's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Bessgarmatveenbog's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Do not run in public.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Always obey Bessgarmatveenbog's priests.