Febwikvan is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, calm snail.

Febwikvan created matter eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Febwikvan, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Febwikvan, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Febwikvan's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Febwikvan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your legs.

2. You must pray to Febwikvan six times a day.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Feed all hungry tapirs.