Figkapsat is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, loving lion.

Figkapsat created dark energy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Figkapsat, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Figkapsat, she will ignore you.

Figkapsat's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Figkapsat's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Figkapsat must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Hide if eight badgers approach from the east.