Lapdotgar is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, temperamental dolphin.

Lapdotgar created dark energy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Lapdotgar, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Lapdotgar, she will boil you in a big pot.

Lapdotgar's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Lapdotgar's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about gravity.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Never talk about planets.

4. Never go into orange rooms.

5. Always help bats in need.