Lapsasnig is a god.

He takes the form of a large, confident eagle.

Lapsasnig created a strange quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Lapsasnig, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Lapsasnig, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Lapsasnig's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Lapsasnig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in purple rooms.

2. Never feed lemons to dolphins while wearing turquoise shorts.

3. Run away if five moths approach from the west.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never talk about shrews.