Nartpognig is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, almighty deer.

Nartpognig created the Whirlpool Galaxy nine million years ago.

If you believe in Nartpognig, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Nartpognig, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Nartpognig's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Nartpognig's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Do not kill moths.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Do not take Nartpognig's name in vain.

5. Never laugh in the presence of aardvarks.