Kapcinxin is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, confident shark.

Kapcinxin created the universe eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kapcinxin, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Kapcinxin, she will cry a lot.

Kapcinxin's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Kapcinxin's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Kapcinxin must be the most important thing in your life.

3. You must love Kapcinxin.

4. Do not hurt capybaras.

5. Never eat peas.