Habstanlatflap Jonsityokwikgeddibwad is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, effective lizard.

Habstanlatflap Jonsityokwikgeddibwad created dark energy six million years ago.

If you believe in Habstanlatflap Jonsityokwikgeddibwad, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Habstanlatflap Jonsityokwikgeddibwad, he will turn you into a tree.

Habstanlatflap Jonsityokwikgeddibwad's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Habstanlatflap Jonsityokwikgeddibwad's Holy Commandments

1. Habstanlatflap Jonsityokwikgeddibwad loves cats, so they must be honoured.

2. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never jump near turtles.

5. Do not wear cyan clothing.