Bastbidsantigquam is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, witless zebra.

Bastbidsantigquam created Africa five billion years ago.

If you believe in Bastbidsantigquam, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Bastbidsantigquam, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Bastbidsantigquam's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Bastbidsantigquam's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if three capybaras approach from the south.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Do not trade with those who eat spinach.

4. Always wear white.

5. You must love Bastbidsantigquam.