Jarnkadren is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, humorless whale.

Jarnkadren created dark energy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnkadren, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Jarnkadren, he will boil you in a big pot.

Jarnkadren's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Jarnkadren's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Jarnkadren.

2. Always obey Jarnkadren's priests.

3. Always wear violet.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never mention doves.