Bonkbopstaf is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, witless otter.

Bonkbopstaf created a charm quark three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bonkbopstaf, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Bonkbopstaf, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Bonkbopstaf's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Bonkbopstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Never talk about amino acids.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Bonkbopstaf must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never write about asteroids.