Fetlipquam is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, grumpy wren.

Fetlipquam created parasitic wasps nine million years ago.

If you believe in Fetlipquam, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Fetlipquam, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Fetlipquam's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Fetlipquam's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never jump in the presence of porpoises.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Worship no other gods but Fetlipquam.