Hatvinpas is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, omniscient gorilla.

Hatvinpas created energy three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hatvinpas, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Hatvinpas, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Hatvinpas' most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Hatvinpas' Holy Commandments

1. Never wear red kilts.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Hide from mauve rats for they are unholy.

5. Do not chop down trees.