Begzantonk is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, thoughtless butterfly.

Begzantonk created everything that exists nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Begzantonk, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Begzantonk, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Begzantonk's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Begzantonk's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Begzantonk.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate hamsters.

5. Always pray immersed in water.